Sophia's Families

It's an amazing feeling!

I have not updated here in a while and I could blame it on jet lag, but the truth is way more selfish than that.  I got here on Monday evening.  Tuesday morning I was picked up around 9:30 to start the process of getting a new birth certificate, a new social security card, and finally a passport.  I wanted to get Sophia out of the orphanage.  We did pick her up around 1:30, after waiting to get the new birth certificate.  No lunch break today BTW.  That made the jet lag even harder.  Seeing her the first day was awesome.  I was so happy to see her and she came to me with a big smile on her face.  Life is good.  The rest of the day we focused on getting a new social security card and finally the passport applied for.  The passport office is only open on Tuesdays, so we had to get this completed, otherwise it would instantly add a week to our stay.  We made it.  Unfortunately, due to time constraints (which is still unclear to me), we could not check Sophia out on Tuesday.  So we went back on Wednesday morning to get her.  It was a bittersweet departure.  Her friends all waved and said Pahkah or Das-V-Danya.

Wednesday afternoon there was a big gathering of friends at Matt and Tammy's place including about a dozen children of all ages.  It was a great atmosphere as the children immediately invited Sophia to play in the board games or dominoes.  But it was also strange and unfamiliar faces.  I can't say enough good things about the family that is hosting us.  They are a blessing at the right time, as they have hearts of Christ and have been a huge help to us.  The words "thank you" pale in comparison to how I really feel, but since I'm an engineer and not a writer, thank you Matt and Tammy.

Thursday was our first full day together.  It was filled with as much silence as any of the hosting families recently experienced.  My ability to hear and understand Russian is much greater than my ability to conjure up the right words.  But we managed.  Our hosts are in the middle of their own adoption without a facilitator and so they had to play the waiting game and track down pertinent information all day.  They will have more of the same on Friday.  So Sophia and I played Connect Four and Trouble.  We played with one of the cats in the house.  Sophia helped out the cleaners when they came.  Speaking of, it's amazing how the right people are placed in our lives at key moments in our lives.  The cleaning lady knew there would be house guests and why we were there.  She spoke wonderful words of encouragement to Sophia.  It was a small, but not an insignificant moment in the day.  The afternoon was spent with both of us taking short naps and I went for a brief swim in their pool.  In the evening we had a special gathering planned.  We were going to meet Sophia's Aunt.

I'm gonna try and convey the feelings that I am experiencing right now and why.  It has everything to do with the heartache my daughter is going through. 

Her Aunt, Sophia, Uncle, and the wife of the aunt's son

The Aunt is a distant cousin to the father. She has been taking care of Sophia since she was a baby.  She has a tremendous amount of love for her as do the rest of the family. We visited with her aunt for probably close to two hours.  As we were walking into the building a little boy and his father both exclaimed, "Софика!"  Turns out the young boy is a grandson of the aunt.  She served us coffee, a cake, dried dates, some sort of fruit/nut mix, fresh raspberries from their garden, and later on we had hot tea...lots of hot tea.  We brought a box of chocolates as a gift.

Tammy asked the aunt why/how Sophia ended up in the orphanage (in the kitchen and not in front of Sophia btw). The mother was not really ever around much in Sophia's life.  So that her father to take care of her as a single parent.  It's hard for single parents in the states to make it work, try it in Ukraine.  He would wear Sophia in a sling around his neck and chest while he was working as he could not afford daycare. At some point along the way he lost his rights.  The aunt continued to fight for Sophia and she pursued the ability to take Sophia out of the orphanage and eventually won. Basically, Sophia could leave for two weekends each month to live with the Aunt, and then the 3 months over summer break. This lady is awesome! She wanted to foster Sophia, but her husband did not want to, so it did not happen. However, she did show her love, brought her winter clothes, toys, note pads and basically gave her some much needed affection. I want the rest of my family to meet this woman and her family. That will be a cool reunion!  I have to completely learn Russian as we will need to be able to better communicate with them, but either way, we will plan a trip back in the not too distant future.  There's too much history here to ignore, so why not embrace it.

The Aunt's son's family with Sophia.

Sophia was excited to go, but once we got in the apartment, she became her usual quiet self. Turns out, she has been this way from birth. Always quiet, very helpful, but cheerful when it was appropriate.  She was no different tonight. However, you could see that it was a difficult meeting and she will no doubt be running it over and over in her mind. The aunt wants to see us off at the train station, so we will coordinate this to make sure it happens. This delicate child has a family here, albeit not a constant in her life, but she has a family. We are taking her away from this. Don't remind me of what we are providing, I know.  My concern is for Sophia's feelings right now, because it pains me to see her going through this separation process. I told Sophia thank you for letting me meet her aunt and family and that I like them very much and we will stay in touch with them. BTW-the aunt has Skype! Очень круто! So not only can we mail letters, but she can Skype with her as well...and possibly her father if he comes to visit the aunt.  If you haven't figured it out yet, then let me explain.  Sophia is not an orphan in the sense that she was entirely unwanted or without parents.  Granted her birth mother has passed, but she is not without family.  She now will have an even larger family and I look forward to the reunion to help illustrate this fact even more.

When we got back to the house, I asked Tammy to translate that we will be returning in 2-3 years to visit them. We will bring the whole family over. Sophia got a huge smile on her face.  The aunt has a 5 year old grandson (he's in the picture above) that was just adorable and I know my boys would have a great time playing with him.

It hurts to watch her hurting and the language barrier is absolutely stifling me right now.  Right now, my biggest communication is through my actions.  It takes longer to build a relationship without words, but I think it also has a greater impact as it is solely based on actions.  Her first night she did not sleep well.  Also, since getting into this house, anytime she goes into her room, she shuts and locks the door. Last night, though, she left the door open and her light off. She may be hot for all I know, or she might be loosening up.  As I write this, she is still sleeping.  Ahhh, I will have two late sleeping teenagers in my house before long.  Later today, Friday, we will have a couple of Skype sessions, one with Yulia and another with Anya.  We will also be Skype-ing on Sunday with a friend from her class in school who was adopted by a Raleigh family last year, Nastya.  That should be an interesting conversation that I will have no clue about what is being said.

I miss my wife and boys so much and I wish they were here with me.  I know the boys needed someone home, but our daughter needs a lot of love right now.  It's going to take a long time and a lot of patience before she really let's us in. Until then, I will love her as much as God will give me the strength for and I pray that He comforts her.