A Week of Firsts

Our first family photo, blurry and crazy, just like us.

First, let me point to a new page on the blog with more photos of Sophia's first week home.

Now ,how do I express what has happened over the last 11-ish days of being home and our family now having the love of 6 people instead of 5.  Let me start with each day has had a new event for her to absorb.  Some have been "simple" trips to the store, some have been lunches with old friends, some have been bigger events like getting her schedule and walking the halls in her new school.  Each has been met with the appropriate response.  Lunch and the trips to the grocery store are open and friendly.  Visiting a giant school with what seems like to me, thousands of 6th grade tweenagers running around with their aimlessly wandering parents, she was very subdued and trying to absorb and cope.  I know I was.  Holy cow, she will come home and give me the typical response all my kids give at the end of the day when asked how was school, "Good".  I on the other hand will need sedatives worrying about her first day of school. The doctor's appointment was uneventful.  Gatherings with the extended family that have come to visit, quiet at first, then typing away on the translator and laughing at crazy antics.  Sophia is doing about as well as can be expected.

Her English is also improving.  I find her more often telling me, yes yes yes, I know, I know.  Or I understand.  While she may not be able to express herself, which I can relate to, she is very capable in picking up contextual clues.  It's only a matter of time.  I have no doubt she will be speaking English faster than I can order a pizza in Russian.  My daughter is very smart and talented.  God has kept this child protected and nourished for all these years.

Now for the emotional side of things.  She is opening up more to Lisa and I.  The boys don't really try to talk with her, although, Adam does express his feelings for her, which is a joy to watch.  She can't help but smile.  Adam even insists on sitting next to Sophia at meals.  In regards to how she is expressing her feelings towards Lisa and I, that is still a work in progress.  We love her so very much.  Each night we tell her this before she goes to bed.  She has progressed beyond "Я тоше.", or a me too, to a full blown "I love you"...in English.  This took a little to get to, but in the grand scheme of things, waiting 5 days is easy.  Let me back up just a bit.  Once "gotcha day" came and this was really happening, a whole new flood of emotions and thoughts came to the surface.  Which is evident in my blog posts.  There is a little girl in her that is resurfacing.  The serious facade is starting to come down and she is laughing and smiling a lot.  She got more hugs in the last 11 days with the extended family being here than she's gotten in probably all dozen years...not counting the love I know she got in Alabama last year.  Last week was a relentless dosage of love that I am very grateful for.  Sophika even made and gave one of her possessions to Lisa as a birthday present.  The boys and I were way outdone by my daughter.  Not that Lisa was expecting anything from me, but this was a surprise!  Sophia wrote a birthday note in English and had gifts, plural!  Talk about humbling.  It's like the widow that gave two cents in the offering and Jesus says she gave more than the rich man who gives a larger quantity, but the widow gave all.  I will give you my all Sophia.
She has started 6th grade and so far, I do get the same feedback as my boys, "Good".  I know there is more to the story, unfortunately we just aren't getting it.  Maybe I'll try to get her to write her experiences down in her journal and she can share with us what she wants.  She is enrolled in a couple of classes designed to help her learn the language, not to mention EVERYTHING else being in English.  In addition, we have her taking English lessons from a tutor.  While we can't hold an in depth conversation, it's coming.

Sophia and Tyler

Some of the family and one-on-one events we have done are trips to the park, which apparently will make her giggle big time.  Something about the swings, or maybe it's watching the little guys play on the swings.  Either way, she really opens up and is not afraid to practice her English.  We have made chocolate chip cookies from scratch and when I told her that I like cookie dough, she made sure to scrape every last chip and morsel out of the pan so I had nothing to lick...the laughter that proceeded from her when I saw the bowl was precious.  Playing Jenga or Uno always brings a smiggle when we play.  Somehow the luck of the draw is usually in her favor and I end up with a stack of cards in my hands...again, much laughter.  I thank God every day for giving us Sophia.  I consider it a huge honor and privilege to raise you as my daughter.

I love you Sophia.

Japanese Steakhouse!

Smiggles and Anxious Nerves

Enjoying Sirniki in bed!

So, Thursday morning had nothing planned so I told her last night she could sleep in, and she did. I think she got up around 9:30-ish. Enjoy it today sweetheart because tomorrow starts super early. The to-do list was short today as well. Basically, I wanted to get more DVD's (plus it would allow me to dump the grivna as it's no good to me in America), make sirniki for breakfast, and pick up her visa. Well I'm happy to say our to-do list is finished!

We're gonna take it easy the rest of the day watching a couple of movies. She is packed and ready to leave this apartment, me too, at least the ready part, I still need to pack.

Each night when she goes to bed, she just gets up, does a half hand wave, and says good night. Once she's in bed, I go in and say, "Good night Sophia, I love you." At this she giggles through a smile, or a smiggle. We're gettin there, but we've got 12 years to make up for...that ain't gonna change in 6 weeks.

For those interested in our arrival info, we are flying United Airlines 1107, landing in Raleigh at 6:55pm tomorrow. I can't wait to see my boys and Lisa.

Please pray for our safe return and especially for Sophia, that God would comfort her heart and guide her through this difficult time. He is taking care of Lisa and I and we have our hearts set to listen. We can only provide her what she needs, God is going to have to work on her heart.

I love you Sophia.

Sophia putting birthday cookies out

Experiencing life outside the orphanage walls

As she and I go to various places, the airport, the grocery store, the mall, the embassy, I can hear her reading the words and looking at just about everything.  She is a very quiet girl, at least with me, and to some extent even with Tammy and Matt.  Not so much on Skype or the phone with her friends, she rolls into being a teenager needing companionship, something we will have to work hard at nurturing back in NC.

Tuesday afternoon came with a quick trip to the grocery store to get some food and snacks.  The hard part is buying for only a few days.  We normally shop every 1-2 days anyway, but that's the perishable items.  I still have to get oil, sugar, flour, and that stuff comes in large quantities.  Well, larger than we'll use in three days.  Anyway, I will be making the sirniki on my own this time.  Should be interesting.  Thank you Lena for the "recipe".  We watched TV until around 9:30 when we both went to bed.  I noticed that she had her overhead light on, but was curled up under the covers.  I turned the light off, and she protested, but I was going to turn on her bedside lamp.  She liked this much better.  She did this the first night at Matt and Tammy's too.  We'll have to put a couple of our night lights in her room to help ease her anxiety of sleeping in a new room, new house, new family, new country, new, new, new...to her anyway.

This morning, Wednesday, started early as we were headed to get the medical exam before going to the embassy to apply for the visa.  I was nervous for the medical exam as it was going to be a male doctor...I had asked for a woman, but was told this could cause a serious delay.  Right.  This was actually an easy process and the doctor did speak English.  My only complaint is that the doctor was a man.  We have a woman doctor for Lisa and Sophia back in NC.  When the doctor was going to listen to her breathing and heart beat, the driver was just standing there.  REALLY!  I think I became a fluent speaker at that moment and asked him to wait outside in the hall and I got behind a screen.  1 minute later, it was over.  45 minutes later, we got our form.  The embassy is newly renovated with a guard room right at the entrance.  The guards are Ukrainians and speak English, though not as well as I'd like and when you are standing there taking your documents out of a backpack, and they scan it, and THEN they tell you that you can't bring it in...let's back this process up and save us all 2 minutes.  Ah well, Lord give me patience as we take these last steps towards home.

We headed into the main area, for immigration at least, to file for the visa.  When I last posted we had an issue with a typo on our I-171H form.  This is the approval to adopt a child and bring them into the US and they be granted citizenship, immediately.  According to this document, our finger print expiration date was the same date we got them taken in Raleigh.  Lisa, my very efficient wife, sent the appointment letter with the time/date stamp on it to our case officer.  They turned it around quickly as Lisa would not be satisfied with a voicemail.  The voicemail of the case officer states that leaving more than one message will not speed up the process.  How about two hundred.  If I fill it up completely that you have no space for other messages, you'll only have mine to work on.  Thankfully, she didn't have to do that.  She went to the supervisor and pleaded our case.  Two things come to mind.  One, officer?  Do they get to wear a gun sitting at their desk? Two, I wonder how well it would go over if I told my customers to only leave one voicemail message and to not waste my time.  Whatever.  So late last night Lisa called to tell me that it was done.  She rocks!  Love ya babe!  As soon as we got in and took our number, they called it.  We were out of there in about 15 minutes.  15 minutes!!  That's the fastest part of this process so far.  Plus the correction was EMAILED.  Not walked by hand down the hall, not even faxed, emailed. No visits to a notary to wait an hour for a one page document, no ledgers to sign, no cross town excursions.  No sewing the pages together.  FYI - official documents are sewed together to signify there officialness, originality, and excellent sewing skills.  Point being, it happen fast.  Also, in all fairness, it did not happen that fast last time we were there.  We were told to come back tomorrow to pick up the visa and we are good to go.

On our way back to the apartment I asked to be dropped off at Cosmos to exchange more money, payback the driver for the medical exam fee, and get some extra carrying money.  Then we headed into the rest of the mall to find Sophia some sneakers.  We found a pair that would work (though she wasn't thrilled with the color), but she didn't have any socks to try them on, so we went on a sock hunt.  In the third store, we found socks, but we were looking in the boys section.  The store lady directed us over to the girl section.  Thanks for your help.  We found a set that would fit and were a versatile color.  We took them to the cash register only to be told it doesn't work.  See my comments about the backpack above, same problem, different scenario.  At the sixth store, we struck gold, or purple rather.  We found the socks and got a little help finding the right size, got her foot measured, and then found a pair of purple shoes with neon yellow/green soles.  They are so cool!  I never would have picked these out for myself, but she said she wanted a purple pair.  I love them.  Maybe she'll wear them on the plane.  We'll see.  We also swung by an electronic store and got a couple of DVD's for her to watch as I only have movies in English on the iPad.  We got back to the apartment, had lunch and she watched one of the movies.  I read a book.  When her movie was over she wanted to watch the second one too.  This one was Ratatouille, in Russian.  I watched this one with her.  Very cool as I picked up some new phrases and again, I created a moment for her to smile and laugh.  I love her laugh.  I can't wait to create more moments.

I love you Sophia.

One step at a time

I'm on top of the world!

Sunday was a fun filled day to take our mind off of what the last few days had delivered...for everyone. We loaded up the van and headed to Yalta. Our first stop was a cable car from Мисхор to Аи Питри, I think I spelled those right. Also known as Mixor and Ai Petri. The cable car ride takes you from just above the beaches to way up on a cliff, somewhere up in the clouds. This was apparently the thing to do as the line was long. For those who won't catch the subtlety, the odd word was line. Ukrainians don't typically wait in lines. Not in their cars, the grocery store, the post office...anywhere. They will claim to have been there but had to leave for whatever reason and that makes getting back in their prior spot legit. It even happened in this "line". Anyway, we hopped on the cable car and headed up the mountain face. After about four to five ear pops you arrive. As soon as you step off, there are about a dozen guys holding hawks and falcons and owls and they want to put them on your arm, shoulder, head. The idea being to charge you to have a photo with the bird. They do this in Kiev only it is with pigeons and we've heard stories where they won't take them off unless you pay them. Well the top of Ai Petri also had a baby lion cub. Nothing like having your neck as a chew toy for a lion while you try to smile. That's a little dramatic as the cub was clearly sedated. We walked around on top of the mountain and took a quick side trip into a cave.  The cave took about 3 minutes to walk through and cost about $6, that comes out to $120/hr!  Oh well, now I can say I did it, not sure who I will tell, but just in case.

Yalta Boardwalk

We had lunch at a Tartar restaurant.  They have about 20 restaurants all serving essentially the same thing. Imagine going to the food court in the mall and your options are narrowed down to where to sit and not so much what to eat as the menu does not differ. We made our way back over to head down and this line was even longer. Plus there were a couple of your groups that only had one person waiting in line, so when they got to the front, the line didn't move as there were another 30 people to include.  After about an hour wait, we arrived at the bottom and got back in the van. We were headed to the Yalta boardwalk. We wanted to see the crowds and possibly find Sophia some new shoes, the ones we gave her were hurting her feet. First stop, McDonald's for some ice cream.  It's nice to be able to share the simple things with Sophia.  The Yalta boardwalk is full of activities. Rides, food vendors, street performers, tourists, restaurants, retail stores and hotels. We stopped at a Crocs store and she found a pair she liked they just didn't have her size. We walked a little further down the boardwalk stopping to watch some of the acts. We found another store, MegaSport, and went in to find her some new flip flops. She must have walked in a dozen pairs. Some were just a little too wide, some not soft enough, some had straps, some "flopped" too much (this is my favorite). We finally found a pair that were comfortable, but I don't think she's thrilled with the color, all black. However, this was her choice.


With her new flips, as these have very little flop, we headed out. We stopped on the way back to let the older brother of the child my host family is adopting out of the van for a bit. He wanted to stop in and see his older sister and get her phone number. While we waited I pulled out the iPhone and let Sophia entertain herself. She played the whole way home and shared the photos on the phone with Tammy. We got home late and everyone was tired from the long day.

Monday morning, we stopped by a photo store to get a few pictures developed for Sophia to give to her Father and her Aunt, and a couple for her as well.  An hour later, we picked up the photos and went for a short walk through the market across the street...you never know what you'll find, so it's always worth looking.  This particular one was mostly a fruit market with women's undergarments, nice mix.  To get back to the house, Tammy had informed me to take bus number 78, well, I had not learned how to say seventy yet.  In hindsight I could have guessed, but I tried to explain to Sophia that we need to take bus number seven eight.  She was rather emphatic that it is number seven five.  I thought ok, seventy-five, it's close enough to seventy-eight.  I decided to trust her, she is from here after all.  After a 15 minute wait, I said let's get on a bus to the Central Market and walk over to Sevastopol street because I know the bus goes that way.  So we did.  We had to walk a fair amount between stops but we made it.  Well, I was looking for a minibus number 78, what we hopped on was a trolley bus number 5/7.  Close enough, and it was headed in the right direction.  The only problem with this bus, and it's not really a problem, was that it stopped about a mile from where we were headed.

Our host Tammy and Sophia

Another step in our relationship happened as we were getting off the bus.  I was trying to figure out if the bus could keep going looking at the wires when I heard my name.  Since we met Sophia on July 4th, she has not addressed me as anything.  Not Mike, hey you, sir, and certainly not papa.  It's really hard having no identity with someone you love so much.  To hear my name spoken by her, well, let's just say that I spent the next 20 minutes replaying it in my head.  I can still hear it.  And since we were still a ways off we walked and I thought about finally having a place in Sophia.  At this point I was feeling good.  I gave her a little decision making authority and trust and she got us back.  I was excited to get back to the house, relax, read a book, maybe have a brownie, but not Sophia.  She asked if she could go over to her dad's house.  Good feeling gone.  Then I thought about it, if I were in her shoes, I would ask the very same question.  I said yes, but I was thirsty.  Let's go home first and let me grab something to entertain myself and we'll walk over.  I had all kinds of thoughts going through my head, but if I was going to trust Sophia, this was part of it.  I told her that I was not going to go inside.  That she needed to spend time with her dad alone and that I was going to wait on the street and we needed to be back in one hour.  I also told her that I understand how hard this is.  She said "how hard what is", I said "going to America".  So in the middle of waiting, I called my facilitator back as he had been blowing up my phone.  Mind you at this point my nerves are already a little edgy, but he proceeds to tell me that our fingerprints have expired, according to the I-171H sheet from US Immigration.  I'm in the middle of a dirt road, waiting for my daughter to come back out of her father's house, in a foreign land and the documents are back in NC (I didn't think I would need them), with a flight to go home in 4 days and now this.  Lord help me focus.  I called Lisa and we worked out a plan.  When the time came I called for Sophia from the front gate and waited for a bit.  Nothing.  Have faith Mike, stay calm.  I opened the gate and walked down the path to the side opening, all the while saying "Allo".  Sophia came around the corner with a bag and a smile.  Faith is not always easy...especially during trials.

After coming home from her dad's house, we came back and relaxed a bit.  Actually, I talked with Tammy's mom on Skype. It was ringing as we came in so I answered. I'm glad I did, it was a great conversation and much needed encouragement. M&T came home with chicken wings, tomatoes, bell peppers, cucumbers, and fresh bread for dinner. While the wings were baking, Tammy and I chatted. Matt and Sophia were upstairs watching Disney channel (in Russian) and Matt was talking with her. Both have spent time talking with her alone off to the side and not translating everything for me or have me hanging around so she guards her words (I can pick up a lot in a conversation, but it's all about context).  They were basically telling her that out of all the children who need homes, God chose this family and you. That this is an amazing miracle. 

I mean come on, 7 years ago, little Sophia was riding her bike around Fontani, playing with her friends and her dog in the fields or empty lots.  Matt and Tammy were new to the area and lived in an apartment right across the parking lot from her Aunt's building.  What are the odds?  Add to that the thousands of Ukrainian orphans, hundreds of millions worldwide, and a family that lives clear over in America.  Plus, Lisa and I met this wonderful couple while attending church here in Simferopol.  We found the church because the pastor, his wife, and another missionary couple were introduced to us by friends back in Raleigh who adopted from the orphanage last year.  I firmly believe God made this happen.  God chose Sophia to be our daughter.  How cool is that?

Well anyway, Tammy explained that she and Matt loved her and they've only known her a week.  She also said that Lisa and I loved her.

After dinner, Matt and I played ping pong while Tammy and Sophia talked and worked on Origami. She needed help folding the paper, but once it was folded, she needed zero help drawing on the paper to make it look like a cat...she really has an artistic touch.  We can definitely nurture this.  Oh yeah, we had homemade brownies for dessert!

With full tummy's and playtime finished, Matt, Sophia, and I climbed into the van and headed over to see her Aunt one last time to drop off the pictures and frame we got her.  Matt stayed in the van in hopes that it would speed up the visit, since my Russian isn't that conversational. Well, I may not be able to converse with adults, but their two little children, Ruslan and Nila(?), them I can talk with. Sophia picked up a few more clothing items and was ready to go, but I was wrapped in conversation with Ruslan...who btw gave me a big hug upon seeing me. I guess they asked how we got over there or maybe Sophia said Matt is waiting in the van...well they sent me down to go get him.  While I fetched Matt, they brought out the table, made coffee and dragged out the kish-kish, dates, and candy. This was not going to be a short visit.  But it was another great conversation. At one point, Ruslan asked me to come into his room to show me his nasleki, or stickers.  He asked me to pronounce them in English for him. I go back in the other room and my coffee is gone, replaced by tea...oh boy, more caffeine.  I got their Skype info, home phone number, mobile number, and names of the aunt, uncle and their son and daughter-in-law. I've already sent them an invite on Skype, in Russian of course. The uncle even told Ruslan that he could talk to me on Skype and learn english.  I told Ruslan, he could talk in English and I would talk in Russian.  He got a huge smile upon hearing this.  It was another great visit and I told the family we will be back with all my boys, the aunt said we are welcome in their home anytime.  While Monday was full of trust development and tests, it was a beautiful day.

This morning, Tuesday, over breakfast, Matt pulled up a youtube video of simon's cat.  For any current or prior cat owner, I highly recommend checking it out.  We watched a couple during breakfast and were laughing hysterically.  Sophia and I had to catch the morning flight out of Simferopol to Kiev.  We are now in the "gateway" apartment as I call it.  It is the apartment all families coming in and leaving Ukraine will stay in.  We'll be here for a few days and flying out on Friday morning.  But it is just the two of us now. So I pulled up Simon's cat to see all of the rest of the videos.  Thank you again Matt and Tammy, I got to hear my daughter laughing and it was adorable.

I love you Sophia.

Precious moments

Playin a little ping-pong

These past few days with Sophia have been like a boot camp for the heart.  Friday was our second full day together and as our host family had more adoption paperwork to gather, we were on our own.  It forces us to try and bond.  We started off trying to go for a bike ride, but the bike for her was too big, so we went for a walk instead.  We got back and I fixed Sophia something to eat for lunch.  After lunch she went upstairs and I stayed downstairs to play a little ping pong with one side turned up.  30 minutes later she came downstairs and started pulling out some of the games off the book shelf.  So for the next half hour we played Connect 4.  Friday's special adventure was Skype.  Around mid afternoon we called Anya, who had just woken up and had a fresh bed head action...it was 8am on the east coast.  It's nice to see her smile...even if all I can do is create the moment that makes it happen.  Well, as it turns out we had to cut the call short as I got a call from our facilitator saying that her passport was ready and we need to be outside in 10 minutes.  SERIOUSLY, 10 minutes!  It's gonna take me 9 to translate this change of events!  Somehow, I managed, we jumped into the car and off to pick up the passport we went.  I half expected to be meeting someone in a back parking lot as the passport was not due to be ready until Tuesday.  No parking lots, we used the front door.  While we waited, Sophia played Angry Birds on my phone.  She doesn't have to play any games, it was more a gesture on my part.  Side note, she has lived in the orphanage for quite some time.  All they do is wait.  I am going to need patience from God to out wait my daughter.  Perfect as we head into her teenage years.  With passport in hand we headed back to the house.

Our hosts came home with the older brother of one of the boys they are looking to adopt.  He is staying with us through the weekend.  They need to get his permission to adopt due to separation of siblings.  Mind you, this boy has been out of the orphanage for about 2 years and has not seen his younger brother since.  Cool kid, he can really play some ping pong.  We all jumped in the car and headed to Pesto's pizza joint.  They have really good pizza, great service (a rarity), and they have American 80's music playing...what's not to like!?  After dinner we took a stroll through the park and winded our way around the blocks.

Sophia helping in the kitchen

Saturday brought with it another orphan birthday celebration (also a rarity).  So we headed out to visit with their two soon-to-be-adopted sons and celebrate a birthday.  We stopped by the store and picked up cake, cookies, candies and drinks.  The orphanage where they live is just outside Simferopol.  We played with the soccer ball and tossed the frisbee around.  This particular orphanage, while slightly different in the layout, has the same "feel" as the one Sophia came from.  From there we stopped by another grocery store to pick up some items for dinner.  Sophia wanted spaghetti.  So we got everything we needed to make spaghetti and she picked out a pineapple flavored sorbet for dessert.

Dinner was awesome...and very filling.  The main event for the evening was a walk to Sophia's father's place.  That's right, I said walk.  Her childhood home is within a 15 minute walk from where we are right now.  Her Aunt's place is only another 5 minutes past that.  Man, tell me God didn't have something to do with this.  You couldn't orchestrate this.  Anyway, on the walk over, you could tell Sophia was excited, almost giddy.  Though I must say Ukrainians are not giddy in public, maybe at a soccer game, but certainly not on the street.  She was pointing out houses that were new in the neighborhood, which street she used to ride her bike down.  Same thing happened here as at the apartment, she walks down the street and people are saying her name and hello.  The whole time she is smiling.  Again, I only helped facilitate this event.  I need to say a special thank you to Tammy as without her, I would not have done this alone.  For one, my Russian is not strong enough, two, I needed the spiritual support.

Neighborhood street

Sophia is beaming from ear to ear as she sees her dog and calls to her.  I'm guessing the dog recognized the voice and came, but she didn't get excited until she smelled Sophia.  We arrive at the gate and Sophia calls out to her papa.  He opens it and lets us in to his domain.  He showed us around and offered us sunflower seeds and grapes.  We looked at old pictures of him in his youth.  We talked about the family history.  How he taught Sophia to ride a bike.  How she caught a snake with her bare hands...btw, this happened only about a year or two ago.  He showed us pictures of Sophia growing up.  Every picture, and I mean every single one, she is smiling.  For anyone that has been here, you know people don't smile to each other on the street, the hallways, heck, even sharing a park bench.  Even in most pictures, they don't smile.  It is almost always a straight face, like an old black and white from the 1800's.  Sophia loves her papa very much.  Her father reiterated that she needs to get out of Ukraine and find a better life.  There is no doubt this man loves his daughter, but he cannot take care of her.  He doesn't have a physical ailment, he just does not have the means to support her.  He walked us all the way back to our house, as did a friend of his and Sophia's dog.  We thanked him for the visit and for walking us back.  He said goodbye and turned to walk back home.  There were no hugs upon seeing Sophia, there were no hugs upon leaving Sophia.  Another piece of the puzzle.

I am following the advice of a friend right now.  I am just breathing.  Even though she is not here with me to experience this, Lisa has been a great wife and virtual shoulder from so far away.  I will leave this blog with some her thoughts.  I love you babe.

Thank you for sharing the tough night that you had.  I wish I was there with you and Sophia to help ease your pain.  These last few days have been extremely heavy for both of you and I'm glad that they are over.  As necessary as they were for all of us, her seperation anxiety will never get better until she can move forward.   I hope tomorrows activities are fun filled and can take your mind off of everything.  I remember a friend saying that even a year later that things were still very raw for her kids.  I think the same is true for you guys.  We've peeled away a lot and now we need to build.

The boys and I started today at DD....after a 30 min exercise of getting dressed.  I again told Adam that he has to know how to get dressed by himself in Kindergarten.  His response, "I'm not even in school yet".  He proceeded to tell me that after his first day that he'd get himself dressed on his own.  Although not nearly as dramatic, he too has lots to overcome this next year.  Never mind Mr Casanova (of the 7 year olds) and Mr. Casanova (of the teenage kind).   We just need to step back, observe, listen and engage on their cues.  We need to interact more with the kids (making dinner, crafts at the table, conversations in the car, more family nights, etc).  Things are going to be tricky for a while, but we'll figure it out.  You and I are an amazing team.  We have an increadible partnership in which we know when to give and when to take.  That is something I admire and cherish about us.  Our decision to cut out daycare was a fantastic one.  It shows that our priority is our family and we're willing to do whatever we need to make it happen.  Every now and then God sets off a firework to make us do things that are outside our comfort level.  I have to say that this firework was not the store bought kind.  It's more like the 75th anniversary of Disney World kind, but those are the ones that light up the sky and are always remembered forever.

So...I love you plain and simply.  I can't wait for you and Sophia to walk down that hallway at the airport.  The boys miss you very much.  I still think it was the right choice to stay home with them instead of heading back with you.  God introduced us to Matt and Tammy to help fill the gap during these two weeks.  I don't think that another 3 weeks without one of us would have been good for any of them.  I'm happy to say that Adam hasn't wet the bed in 2 days!  We put up a world map and US map at the house and the boys have helped me put stickers in important places.  God has blessed us with some amazing boys.

Sophia's Families

It's an amazing feeling!

I have not updated here in a while and I could blame it on jet lag, but the truth is way more selfish than that.  I got here on Monday evening.  Tuesday morning I was picked up around 9:30 to start the process of getting a new birth certificate, a new social security card, and finally a passport.  I wanted to get Sophia out of the orphanage.  We did pick her up around 1:30, after waiting to get the new birth certificate.  No lunch break today BTW.  That made the jet lag even harder.  Seeing her the first day was awesome.  I was so happy to see her and she came to me with a big smile on her face.  Life is good.  The rest of the day we focused on getting a new social security card and finally the passport applied for.  The passport office is only open on Tuesdays, so we had to get this completed, otherwise it would instantly add a week to our stay.  We made it.  Unfortunately, due to time constraints (which is still unclear to me), we could not check Sophia out on Tuesday.  So we went back on Wednesday morning to get her.  It was a bittersweet departure.  Her friends all waved and said Pahkah or Das-V-Danya.

Wednesday afternoon there was a big gathering of friends at Matt and Tammy's place including about a dozen children of all ages.  It was a great atmosphere as the children immediately invited Sophia to play in the board games or dominoes.  But it was also strange and unfamiliar faces.  I can't say enough good things about the family that is hosting us.  They are a blessing at the right time, as they have hearts of Christ and have been a huge help to us.  The words "thank you" pale in comparison to how I really feel, but since I'm an engineer and not a writer, thank you Matt and Tammy.

Thursday was our first full day together.  It was filled with as much silence as any of the hosting families recently experienced.  My ability to hear and understand Russian is much greater than my ability to conjure up the right words.  But we managed.  Our hosts are in the middle of their own adoption without a facilitator and so they had to play the waiting game and track down pertinent information all day.  They will have more of the same on Friday.  So Sophia and I played Connect Four and Trouble.  We played with one of the cats in the house.  Sophia helped out the cleaners when they came.  Speaking of, it's amazing how the right people are placed in our lives at key moments in our lives.  The cleaning lady knew there would be house guests and why we were there.  She spoke wonderful words of encouragement to Sophia.  It was a small, but not an insignificant moment in the day.  The afternoon was spent with both of us taking short naps and I went for a brief swim in their pool.  In the evening we had a special gathering planned.  We were going to meet Sophia's Aunt.

I'm gonna try and convey the feelings that I am experiencing right now and why.  It has everything to do with the heartache my daughter is going through. 

Her Aunt, Sophia, Uncle, and the wife of the aunt's son

The Aunt is a distant cousin to the father. She has been taking care of Sophia since she was a baby.  She has a tremendous amount of love for her as do the rest of the family. We visited with her aunt for probably close to two hours.  As we were walking into the building a little boy and his father both exclaimed, "Софика!"  Turns out the young boy is a grandson of the aunt.  She served us coffee, a cake, dried dates, some sort of fruit/nut mix, fresh raspberries from their garden, and later on we had hot tea...lots of hot tea.  We brought a box of chocolates as a gift.

Tammy asked the aunt why/how Sophia ended up in the orphanage (in the kitchen and not in front of Sophia btw). The mother was not really ever around much in Sophia's life.  So that her father to take care of her as a single parent.  It's hard for single parents in the states to make it work, try it in Ukraine.  He would wear Sophia in a sling around his neck and chest while he was working as he could not afford daycare. At some point along the way he lost his rights.  The aunt continued to fight for Sophia and she pursued the ability to take Sophia out of the orphanage and eventually won. Basically, Sophia could leave for two weekends each month to live with the Aunt, and then the 3 months over summer break. This lady is awesome! She wanted to foster Sophia, but her husband did not want to, so it did not happen. However, she did show her love, brought her winter clothes, toys, note pads and basically gave her some much needed affection. I want the rest of my family to meet this woman and her family. That will be a cool reunion!  I have to completely learn Russian as we will need to be able to better communicate with them, but either way, we will plan a trip back in the not too distant future.  There's too much history here to ignore, so why not embrace it.

The Aunt's son's family with Sophia.

Sophia was excited to go, but once we got in the apartment, she became her usual quiet self. Turns out, she has been this way from birth. Always quiet, very helpful, but cheerful when it was appropriate.  She was no different tonight. However, you could see that it was a difficult meeting and she will no doubt be running it over and over in her mind. The aunt wants to see us off at the train station, so we will coordinate this to make sure it happens. This delicate child has a family here, albeit not a constant in her life, but she has a family. We are taking her away from this. Don't remind me of what we are providing, I know.  My concern is for Sophia's feelings right now, because it pains me to see her going through this separation process. I told Sophia thank you for letting me meet her aunt and family and that I like them very much and we will stay in touch with them. BTW-the aunt has Skype! Очень круто! So not only can we mail letters, but she can Skype with her as well...and possibly her father if he comes to visit the aunt.  If you haven't figured it out yet, then let me explain.  Sophia is not an orphan in the sense that she was entirely unwanted or without parents.  Granted her birth mother has passed, but she is not without family.  She now will have an even larger family and I look forward to the reunion to help illustrate this fact even more.

When we got back to the house, I asked Tammy to translate that we will be returning in 2-3 years to visit them. We will bring the whole family over. Sophia got a huge smile on her face.  The aunt has a 5 year old grandson (he's in the picture above) that was just adorable and I know my boys would have a great time playing with him.

It hurts to watch her hurting and the language barrier is absolutely stifling me right now.  Right now, my biggest communication is through my actions.  It takes longer to build a relationship without words, but I think it also has a greater impact as it is solely based on actions.  Her first night she did not sleep well.  Also, since getting into this house, anytime she goes into her room, she shuts and locks the door. Last night, though, she left the door open and her light off. She may be hot for all I know, or she might be loosening up.  As I write this, she is still sleeping.  Ahhh, I will have two late sleeping teenagers in my house before long.  Later today, Friday, we will have a couple of Skype sessions, one with Yulia and another with Anya.  We will also be Skype-ing on Sunday with a friend from her class in school who was adopted by a Raleigh family last year, Nastya.  That should be an interesting conversation that I will have no clue about what is being said.

I miss my wife and boys so much and I wish they were here with me.  I know the boys needed someone home, but our daughter needs a lot of love right now.  It's going to take a long time and a lot of patience before she really let's us in. Until then, I will love her as much as God will give me the strength for and I pray that He comforts her.

The lost sheep

Mariana, Anya, Luda, and Yulia at the zoo!

So after being home for a little over a week, it's time to go back to Ukraine to get Sophia.  This past week we have driven over 2500 miles visiting family and friends.  Leaving this time I am filled with all kinds of emotions.  Kind of like a groom the night before his wedding.  But we have spent the last week gathering the family back together, including our dog (which looks very similar to the dog in the orphanage), and the missing person is Sophia.  Lisa is watching over the boys, and Brodie, while I go get our lost sheep, Sophia.

After getting home on Wednesday evening, we hosted a family that is adopting/hosting two very special boys from Ukraine.  This family has 6 biological children and has already adopted 2 more.  They are looking to add the two teenage boys from Ukraine to their mix.  We felt honored to have them in our home and spend time with everyone.

Thursday was field trip day and the orphan hosting program took the kids to the NC zoo.  I tagged along with my boys as I wanted to spend time with the children.  I was able to surprise both Yulia and Anya at the church in the morning.  It took a second for both of them to register the face as they were not expecting to see me in the states.  But then I was dang near tackled as they jumped into my arms.  Both of the girls got to meet my boys and it was a great day at the zoo.  I even got to see Luda again.  The biggest observation I have for each is that without the stress of the orphanage, they are opening themselves up and sharing more.  Obviously, each is doing it to a different degree, but it's nice to see that their hearts are still open to being loved and sharing love.  As Lisa put it, these kids are exploding into childhood.

Friday I managed to stop by the office and change out files for the next trip, answer some emails and make a few calls.  It felt good to engage the brain again.  Even managed to have lunch with a great friend at our favorite Mexican restaurant.  Thanks Chester!  That afternoon we had planned, on a spur of the moment, to take Anya and Yulia shopping for clothes for Sophia.  We made a quick call and also included another wonderful young lady, Lera, who was adopted from their orphanage last year and she was our translator for the evening.  After driving all over Raleigh to pick everyone up, we stopped at Chili's for dinner.  Everyone ate well and we ordered a chocolate chip pie with ice cream on top and 5 spoons.  Anya and Yulia were a little hesitant at first...really we're sharing this?  After the first bite, they had no more reservations!

Mikey's Angels!

After dinner we headed over to Justice to pick out clothes.  I had to veto a few choices as the shorts, and shirts were a little too revealing.  But they accepted it and shifted gears and really helped us find some good stuff.  As a reward, we let them pick out an outfit as well.  They each chose jeans, a button up shirt with a tank top underneath.  Очень круто..."very cool" as they would say.  They also got some finger nail bling, earrings, and I think a necklace.  For her part, we surprised Lera with a magazine that had a poster of her new favorite boy band, One Direction, and she also picked out some vey cool earrings.  It truly was an outing typical of teenage girls.  The backseat was filled with giggles and chatter and karaoke to the pop music.  I look forward to sharing moments like this with Sophia and her friends.

This morning was a little slow and we took our time getting out of the house.  We stopped by B&N to pick up another Russian/English dictionary...I'll probably end up giving it away at the orphanage so they can practice learning English.  We stopped and had lunch at Moe's and afterwards made our way to the airport.  It's hard leaving my family, I love them dearly, but I have to do this to make us complete.  The most comforting words came from my 5 year old, words he just learned in church yesterday.  He said, "Daddy, don't worry, God is always with you."  Thanks Adam.