Good Golly Ms. Molly!

We (actually Lisa has been doing all the trying, I've just been cheer leading) have been trying for quite some time to get a recently notarized copy of our marriage certificate from St. Lucia.  After months of "you call back tomorrow", or "she's not here", or my favorite, "we're working on it right now", we (again, read Lisa), has enlisted the help of a very nice lady at the resort where we got married. Below is a copy of their correspondence with some minor edits:


From: Davis, Lisa
Sent: Monday, October 31, 2011 4:25 PM
To: Molly McDaniel
Subject: Marriage Certificate - Lisa and Mike Davis - May 1, 2004


Thank you so much for agreeing to try and help us get a copy of our marriage certificate.  As I mentioned, my husband and I are adopting a child from the Ukraine and we can not move forward with the adoption without two notarized and apostilled copies of our marriage certificate.  We were married at The Jalousie Plantation on May 1, 2004.

Per our earlier telephone conversation, attached please find a copy of the original letter that was sent via UPS to the Registrar's office in St Lucia.  The package arrived on August 25, 2011.  My first contact with the St. Lucian Registrar was approximately 2.5 weeks later when I was told that they had not received my package.  UPS had confirmed delivery so UPS was forced to put a trace on the package.  Shortly thereafter, the package was discovered on someone's desk who had apparently been out sick.  Approximately 3 days later, I was told that my request for apostilled documents would cost $50 instead of the normal $20.  I quickly sent the new money order for $50 via USPS tracking and the check was confirmed delivered on September 23, 2011.  I was told that the original $20 money order would be returned with my marriage certificates. I called to follow up on my check and was told that they had not cashed it yet and to call the following week.  The following week, I was told that the supervisor was not in and to call back.  When I called back again, I was told that they only processed certificates on Thursday.  From that point forward, I was making daily calls to check on the status of my documents and was either told that the supervisor was out and/or that it wasn't done and to call back.  Finally, I was told two weeks ago that it would be sent by Friday (Oct 21st).  On Tuesday (Oct 25th) when I had not received confirmation from UPS that it had been shipped, I called back.  (In my original UPS package, I had included a prepaid UPS package for a speedy return delivery.)  I was then told that the certificate had not been signed and that it would go out this week.  When I called again this morning, I was told that the supervisor was out again and that I am to call back tomorrow.

I would appreciate anything you can do to help me move my request forward.  Thanks again for your help.

From: MollyMcDaniel
Sent:Monday, October 31, 2011 4:33 PM
To:Davis, Lisa
Subject:RE: Marriage Certificate - Lisa and Mike Davis - May 1, 2004

Hi Lisa,

Letme see what I can do from here. Do you have the name of one or more of theindividuals you spoke to at the Registrar's Office? This would be reallyhelpful moving forward.

Allthe best,
Molly

From: Davis,Lisa
Sent:Monday, October 31, 2011 4:49 PM
To:Molly McDaniel
Subject:RE: Marriage Certificate - Lisa and Mike Davis - May 1, 2004

I believe the supervisors name is Mrs. Felix (??),but I would normally speak with the woman who answered the phone.

From: MollyMcDaniel
Sent:Thursday, November 03, 2011 8:56 AM
To:Davis, Lisa
Subject:RE: Marriage Certificate - Lisa and Mike Davis - May 1, 2004

Good morning Lisa,

Ihave just spoken with Sophia Felix from the Registar's Office and she haspromised me that she is working to get this matter sorted for you as a matterof urgency. I have copied her into this email so she can respond to youdirectly. This also gives you an additional means of contact. Her telephonenumber is: xxx-xxx-xxxx (I removed her number).

Letme know if I can be of any further assistance. Good luck with the adoption!

Allthe best,
Molly

All I can say is, thank you Molly and of course, huge thanks to my wife for her persistence.  We are finally starting to see some movement towards actually receiving our marriage certificate. I will keep you posted on the progress. And for those who are wondering what a wedding in St. Lucia looks like (which will be most people as the wedding party was small), here ya go:

Lots of paperwork!

Let's go ahead and clear this up, since he has gone back to the Ukraine, our little guy's real name is Volodymyr. This is the Ukrainian equivalent to Vladimir. The short version is Vova. BTW- this is the English spelling of his name, my keyboard cannot type in cyrilic. I am no literary genius. I'm an engineer, so usually my writing is short and filled with facts, i.e. dry. So I thought I would try something which will help me to be a tad more creative and open in these updates. I'm going to write letters to Vova, maybe when he is finally here and has learned enough English, he can read these. So here we go...
Vova,

It has been almost three months since you returned to the Ukraine. I miss you so much. Adam is telling all sorts of strangers that he is getting another brother. He is excited to have you come back home. Please do not worry, we are working through the paperwork to come and get you. There's a bunch of it and from a lot of different places. Including St. Lucia where Mommy and I got married (more on this in a separate blog), some from Virginia, North Carolina, & Massachusetts (don't worry, you'll know where these places are soon enough, we like to travel around the US). Right now, we plan to have our documents submitted to the Ukraine by mid-December.  The first part of the paper trail is called a home study. This basically means a person comes to meet with your Mommy and I to ask us a lot of questions about who we are, what we do, and how we were raised. They also get a bunch of information about our finances.

While this has been going on, we have also started work on finishing the attic into another bedroom.  First, we need to add a window. Second, we will need some minor electrical & air conditioning work completed. Once these are finished we are going to have the entire attic area insulated. Next, we begin the manual labor portion of the process, sheetrock, paint, and trim. We plan to have this all completed by year's end. Tyler, Alex, & Adam all started school. I heard you started school too. I want you to work hard and listen to what your teachers say. I have been taking night classes to help me prepare for my engineering exam. The test takes 8 hours! I'm really nervous, but I know if keep doing my homework, I'll be ok.  Mommy Lisa is continuing to excel at her new job. Alex & Adam are taking swimming lessons.

On a sad note, we had to put down Dudley. He was 15 years old and was really struggling these last couple of weeks. Dudley came from Boston with Lisa when she moved to Richmomd. I met her and brought along my dog, Brodie. Dudley came with us to the new house on the east side of Richmond. He moved with us to the townhouse in Raleigh. He moved one last time with us to our current home. Early on, Dudley would sleep with Tyler and all we had to say was "Go sleep with Tyler", and off he went to sleep in Tyler's room. Dudley and I did not always get along, but he did provide comfort and watch over the house. He loved to go swimming and chase any kind of ball. He loved chewing on leather gloves and getting into the trash when we left it accessible. He will be missed.

Well that will about do it for now.  I'll write again and include a bunch of pictures from what your brothers have been up to.

Love ya bunches,
Daddy

Spasiba dill-ya "Little B"

Sem-ya, inogda legko, inogda trudno. Family, sometimes easy, sometimes hard. This is one of the simple phrases I came up with while Little B was here. Yesterday afternoon he and the rest of his friends flew back to the Ukraine. That was a very heavy moment for everyone. Nobody wanted to see them leave, but this is the next step in their little adventure.

These kids travelled by trains, planes, and automobiles to get to their host family's homes three weeks ago. They arrived in the middle of the night after close to 40 hours of traveling only to go home with a family they have NEVER seen before and add to the mix the language barrier. Russian is not exactly a second language of choice for many kids in the US, much less in NC. That first night was spent getting a little familiar with each other. The boy who flew out yesterday has become a member of our family. Over the three weeks we had our ups and downs, but in the end, we love each other. That's how a family works. We didn't experience any major psychological concerns while Little B was with us. Nothing we don't see in our own young boys when they are tired, overwhelmed, or disappointed in my answer of "no" to their wants.

Our last day together we basically kept it simple. We got up and had a big breakfast. Though I will say that this little guy doesn't eat much, not compared to my other boys. A couple of times it was clearly because he did not like the food or wanted to get back to whatever activity he had been doing prior to sitting at the table. Next we all got dressed for a family picture on the front steps. After the picture we had to get it developed to put into his photo album we made from his time with us. After the photo was printed we headed off to a candy store. We figured he's fixin' to fly back to the Ukraine, why not enjoy the flights with a pound of M&M's and a couple of Lollipop-ish looking things. After, the candy store we grabbed a quick bite to eat and headed home to pack.

I was dreading the packing. We gave him a rolling duffle that we packed with the clothes he came with and several extra items, a VT t-shirt, a VT hoodie for when the plane gets cold (you can never have enough Hokie gear), his blanket, stuffed bear, candy, toys, and his photo album. This was extremely difficult for me to do. I have grown very close to Little B and miss him terribly.

The ride to the airport was quiet and somber. Seeing the kids at the airport brightened up the mood big time. They were so excited to see each other and were showing each other their photo albums and what they did while they were with their host families. We asked a translator to ask Little B if he understood our intentions to adopt him and that we are coming for him. He answered that he both understood and also asked if we were going to adopt anyone else. I love this kid. In his time of potential triumph, he's reaching out to try and get a friend adopted too. I pray we could do this. However, right now, our focus is on getting Little B home. We were not allowed to accompany the kids to the gate due to time constraints so we said our goodbyes and got our hugs at the security checkpoint. After watching them make their way through security, we left and drove home to our beautiful three boys.

In the meantime, I will pray for the other orphans that their prayers be answered and if I can assist in anyway, I will do whatever it takes. These kids didn't choose this life. If you happen to read these words and are moved to know or do more, please don't hesitate to email me. I would love nothing more than to make a difference in the lives of these kids. Each is beautiful and strong in their own unique ways.

Lord, please watch over these special children. Guide them and comfort them. Answer their prayers daily. Work miracles for them and shower them with your love. I thank you for the time you allowed them to spend with us and letting me get to know your special children. I thank you especially for bringing Little B into our home and opening our hearts to him. Your will be done, amen.

Shto eta?

This has been the fastest three weeks ever. So last week the big field trip was a trip to the NC zoo. Lisa took the day off to carpool. The kids and her had a great time. Little B walked around the zoo taking pictures of everything. Animals, people, self portraits, a helicopter, a trash can...whatever was at the zoo was probably captured on our camera.

Friday night we took the boys to a fun park where they can ride go-karts, play video games, climb through a giant playland, and play a round of mini-golf...did I mention the video games. The boys had a great time 'til the money ran out on the cards. They each got a card preloaded with $5. Back when I was young, $5 equated to 20 games. In today's value of money, this was only 3 games. Needless to say, the money didn't last long. That when it got ugly. Little B was already a bit overwhelmed (I know I was, the assault on the senses is akin to a Vegas casino), when the money ran out on his card he started to get a little emotional. Please take what I say next in context of our situation and what we know about this little guy. He doesn't cry over physical pain, according to him. When he has not gotten his way up to this point, he has pouted for a few minutes and then moved on. This time however, was too much for the little guy to hold in. The temptation that was surrounding him was very powerful. I can see how easy it would be to play on an orphan's situation and take advantage of this weakness. Which is all the more reason these kids need a home with love and guidance. When I saw his reaction to the lack of being able to play and my unwillingness to ante up the needed money, I was both happy and sad for Little B. Sad for the reason above, but also because I too would have enjoyed splurging on all the games (not so much at $2 a game). I was happy for him, because I did see an emotion. I don't like seeing any of my boys in pain, but I also know that if we can't feel pain, we can't feel joy. Well, we made it out of the fun park with our two oldest pouting, and the two youngest happily recounting the nights events.

This week little B went with me to Tyler's soccer practice. When I wasn't helping the coach, I was kicking the ball with B on the side. He and I had a great time and I look forward to next season watching him play on the field in his uniform. Also this week, the kids went to the pool a couple of times. Little B, and the other kids, have the mentality that they can perform dives and flips as well as the next. Not so much. In B's case, it his ability to swim. He didn't let that get in the way of his chance to experience the diving board. Unfortunately for him, diving boards are not placed in the shallow end of the pool, so when he walked off the end of it, he couldn't touch. His ability to stay above the surface is admirable, but not efficient. He went down, then came up. Down, then back up. On the third trip down, a chaperone who was watching the kids "dive" jumped in and assisted Little B to the side of the pool. The chaperone was nervous knowing what she just did for him and witnessed. Little B on the other hand was clueless to the corklike swimming he just displayed and the potential risk. When we get this guy back home, we will be signing him up for swimming lessons.

At VBS this week they watched a movie on the life of Jesus, dubbed in Russian. At the scene of Jesus being nailed to the cross, Little B started tearing up. Again, this is what we want to see from our institutionally raised son. We will work through feelings, reactions, and responses when we get him home next year. I don't want to start a process we can't be there to guide him through.

The big trip this week was to Jordan Lake. I spent the day with the kids, swimming, pushing them (it seemed for hours) on a tire swing, speaking Russian with them, throwing the frisbee, and just having a great time. A couple of people brought their boats and the kids got dragged around the lake on big flat tubes. They were all smiles coming back to shore. While I will hold on to this day for the enjoyment it brought, it was difficult leaving. These kids will be returning to their orphanages tomorrow. The stark contrast between life here and there is difficult to put into words. For one, I have not seen or experienced their life in Ukraine so I will not speculate. But I can imagine.

Community Event - August 7th

Real quick post.


There are several other families hosting children who are available for adoption. One is very interested in adopting, however, the funds required to bring this child into their home is too much and so they are asking for donations to cover the adoption costs.


If you are interested in knowing more, seeing more, or feeling more, send Lisa or I a quick email and we'll be happy to answer any of your questions. Please take a look at the following website for more information: Community Event Flyer.


These kids are just kids that need love and a nurturing environment.  If you can help, please do.  If you know someone who can help, please forward this on to them.  I've heard amazing stories of God working miracles to get these children adopted.

Three is not Four

Whoever said that having four kids is the same as three was lying.  In fact, it's exponentially harder.  Just when you think you've got a conflict resolved between one pair, another pair has started bickering and so on.    Tomorrow is suppose to be a proposed deadline to submit our adoption agreement to the facilitators in the Ukraine and it's sparked tons of adult discussion.  The most important one being "how the heck are we going to raise four kids and keep everything else in tact...patience, sanity, health, marriage, to name a few?".

Since "B"'s arrival, we've been "on" the whole time.  From the moment we wake up to when we go to sleep, we are translating, parenting, keeping house, working, playing and coordinating.  There's no couple time and definitely no alone time.  This past weekend, we received free tickets to see Hairspray at the Raleigh theatre.  It was a pretty great show, but "B" was a little bored and chose instead to put on a temporary tatoo that he had received at lunch during the performance.  He was more excited with the ice cream they served after the show. Later that night, we were slated to attend a Raleigh Railhawk soccer game, but we opted out.  We simply did not have the energy to do anything else.

Sunday was a little calmer, but it ended with a community event of current and former orphans coming together.  It was an opportunity to talk to other parents about their successes and their struggles.    The kids were entertained by a makeup/balloon/clown lady and she did great.  She made balloon swords for my four boys.  I don't think I need to go into any details of what happened next.   It was crazy wild and it was all boy!  Check out the picture.  I've accepted that I will never get a perfect pose ever again.

Despite our state of zombieism, having "B" here has forced us to rethink how we interact as a family.  We eat dinner together every night at the kitchen table.  This may not sound like anything earth shattering, but dinner in front of the TV or at varying times is often the norm during the school year.  What with sports, work travel and outside commitments, we do what we have to do.  Oh and the DVDs and video games, they are often our electronic babysitter so we can decompress and regenerate.  There have only been limited screenings so the original 3 don't go into shock. 

Enough about our struggles, because the compassion that we're feeling is absolutely amazing.  We simply beleive that this is what we're meant to be doing.  As "B" feels more at home around all of us, he's started to push the limits and tease the boys.  The other day in the truck he actually turned around and shouted "stop it Alex" in perfect English.  He must of learned that phrase from us.  Oops.  We find that he's often williing to help and actually enjoys it.  The other day as I was unloading the table cloth from the dryer, he grabbed the placemats and put them on the table.  I grabbed the now famous "doily" to put on the table, but he quickly took it from me, placed it in the center of the table and went searching for a vase filled with flowers.  That coupled with other one off events started us wondering about his past.  We discovered that "B" was living at home until March when he was put into the Orphanage.  Although his upbringing was not ideal, we feel more comfortable that he was not physically abused at home.  Of course, what we know is only what we've learned through a translator via the lips of an 8 year old.  It's not easy to look at our little guy and not think the worst.  "B" has a few visible scars including a couple on his head.  During a translation session, he told us that he fell off the roof of his garage at his home and hit his head on the way down.  When we asked about the other scar, he said he fell of the roof twice.  He went on to show us other scars that we had not seen including one from a bike accident and another from climbing a tree.  Hmmm...knowing "B" it's certainly plausible, because he's very curious and has explored everything in our home.  All battery operated toys have been reactivated and we've purchased no less that 16 new AA batteries up to this point.  Laugh all you want...it's pretty awesome to see him playing with an ABC game and hearing him repeat the letters and sounds. He even will sit through a story as it's read by the Leap Frog pointer.

I won't go into the process of Ukrainian adoption since I'm not that familiar with it yet, but we're told that until our dossier is submitted to the Ukrainian government we can not learn more about the history of our potential child.  We'll simply have to go by what he tells us.  Unfortunately, he doesn't always have all his facts straight.  We asked him his birthday and he was convinced it was July 23rd.  This was the date that they travelled to the US.  His real birthday is March 27.  Birthdays are not celebrated at the orphanage.  We really don't care what the truth is and regardless of what the file shows, we can't wait to have "B" in our home safe and sound aggravating his brothers and making us exhausted.

"Be strong and courageous." - Joshua 1:9

What a busy week! The boys have gone for haircuts, rock climbing, horse painting, a trip to the beach, and today was filled with baseball, tennis, swimming, and more baseball. Holy cow! I'm not sure where to start or how to describe what we are going through. The first hurdle was the obvious one, language. The first few days, we spent a lot of time reviewing our cheat sheets and plugging simple phrases into Google translator. As the week has progressed, we are getting more comfortable with our Russian, and B is picking up English nicely too.

The effect on the family, let's just say this week has had its tests and we've taken a step back to take a look at how we are acting, or better yet, reacting to having a fourth child in our midst. As I said, the language was tough and of course the first word we learned was niet. Only problem is we forgot to explain what we wanted to be done. I equate this to a math teacher on the first day handing out the textbooks and asking the class to complete the book by the year's end. The students were told to work it out by themselves. When the student finished his assignment and turned it in, the teacher would grade it with a yes or no. No explanation as to what was wrong or how to do it right. The students were destined to fail many times over. So, before we say niet, we have to say what we want, or not want, in Russian. Since coming to this eureka, things have dramatically improved and our hearts are focused more on the moments and not us. We have become less worried about "being on" and are more concerned with getting on. Still, it is four boys. We have also decided that a division of labor is going to exist. Each boy will be responsible for one or more daily chores with Lisa and I taking on the cooking and carpooling. With two working parents and active boys, this WILL happen so we can keep our sanity and help define expectations. We are going to create a chart on a dry erase board with the tasks listed and the person responsible.

Now back to B. This guy has become extremely comfortable with us and I would have to say he feels secure in our home. He gets a little shy when we give him compliments, like how handsome he may look after a bath or his new haircut. However, his accomplishments, he seeks to impress. His mechanical ability to figure out toys or household objects knows no boundaries. He is constantly asking "shto eta?", or what is this in Russian. He loves pictures and does not mind posing. Yesterday in the bath I learned the Russian word for drain, utechka. Why? Because he asked what it was AND what the cleanout above it did. Being an engineer I was happy to explain, so I basically told him that was how the tub breathed air. Next week I'm gonna try thermodynamics! BTW-my keyboard is obviously in English, so when I write Russian phrases, they are the phonetic spelling. The Russian alphabet uses sixes, pies, a couple different W's, and a crosshairs lookin letter. Drink your Olvaltine to get your Little Orphan Annie decoder to decipher the Russia language.

Tonight we had a very simple dinner of sliced tomatoes, cucumbers, sliced French bread, cheese, and salami slices. It was a perfect meal to end this very active day. After dinner, Lisa showed B the costumes from past Halloweens. It was awesome! Like I said, he'll definitely pose for a picture.

Lisa's mom came to town to spend the weekend with us and she is Slovak and speaks Slovak, which is very close. She was able to understand some of the statements and questions coming from B. Tomorrow we plan to see a play and attend a soccer match. I look forward to watching B experience both.

B has a heart of gold. To watch him play with Adam, he is very gentle (even though they are close in size). With Alex, they have the common bound for loving crafts and they both swim the same...fearless. With Tyler, he still prods and pokes Tyler, but we're coaching Tyler on how best to respond, which in some cases is to walk away and give B no attention. All in all though, Tyler had a blast playing with B today. Tyler pitched while B hit. He was very patient while we coached him at tennis. And they both had a blast swimming together. As for me, I took B out into the woods to catch lightning bugs and he thought they were the coolest things ever.

While I know this is stressful and definitely draining (the mental fatigue of constantly translating is wearisome), the smiles and joys we are experiencing and witnessing are quite frankly, divine. May God bless this child and our family.